When I was a senior in college, I would’ve bent over backward to have sex on a weeknight. While I didn’t actually perform any gymnastic contortions to get sex, I did do some ridiculous things in service of my sex life.
During senior spring, I was hooking up very casually with one guy, and he was a last-minute man. He would text at 10 pm, 11 pm, and sometimes 11:30 pm or later asking if I was free to ‘hang’. I am ashamed and also amused that one time I went to extreme lengths for a Tuesday bang. I had already showered, taken all my makeup off, gotten into bed, and was on the verge of falling asleep when my phone screen lit up.
Yup, you guessed it. My man wanted to know if I was DTF. I was, so I got OUT of bed, put all my makeup BACK on, and wrapped up warm because it was a frigid February night with subzero temperatures. I trudged across campus to his place as the clock closed in on midnight and I was actually HAPPY about it. Nay, I was thrilled to have the opportunity to get some.
The tendency to jump through hoops for sex was already well-established in my life. One summer I was a resident assistant and had a fling with a fellow RA. We had to be on call from 9 am to 11 pm most days of the week, and then stay in our respective dorms after 11 pm to make sure there was no late-night funny business from the 16-year-olds in our care.
So, how did my lover and I make time to hook up? I got up at 6 am, that’s how. I’d wake up at 6 am, shower and beautify myself, then scurry over to his room in broad daylight.
I used to be willing to jump serious hurdles in order to have sex. Oh, how times have changed. I finally have the relationship that I dreamt of for so long, and getting up the energy for a bit of weeknight nooky is hard. There, I said it!
Here’s what’s up. I get home from work at 6 pm. Between that time and a reasonable bedtime of 11 pm, the dream is to be able to cook a nutritious meal from scratch, dedicate some time to my goals and pursuits (like writing this blog), have some quality time with my boyfriend, watch an episode of Silo because we’re obsessed, and also have romantic sexy time.
Surprise surprise, it’s a rare occurrence that all of that gets done.
To start us off, let’s talk about your mood when you get home from work. Say you go to work and that day you feel frustrated or stressed because you were given a last-minute assignment, or you generally lack zest for life that day because back-to-back meetings can be draining. It’s hard to come home after all that and then transform into a sex fiend.
One of my friend’s boyfriends works for a big law firm, and he works all hours of the day and night. He’s in a state of hyper-stress all the time. As one would expect, since he’s super stressed out most of the week, sex is typically not on the weeknight menu. His job is way more stressful and high-stakes than mine for sure, yet I can empathize with the idea that weeknight sex is just not easy to make happen after the trials of a workday. So, am I blaming my job for my low sex drive? Kinda. It has to play a role! Work stress can be annoying at best and debilitating at worst. Stress does not a sex kitten make.
Now let’s talk about trying to find the time to be a self-care guru. I’m trying to lose weight. That means I’m trying to wake up before work to get a 30min-45min workout in then get showered and dressed before work at 9. It makes me stressed if I stay up too late (for sexy time or other reasons) because I know I’m robbing myself of the time to work out in the morning. And if I don’t work out, I don’t feel good in my body. And if I don’t feel good in my body, I don’t want to have sex. Round and round in circles we go.
I want to eat more healthily. That means cooking a meal with fresh ingredients, which takes an hour even if you make a 30-minute recipe. When you add on the time to eat it and wait for the post-meal bloat to die down, that’s pretty much 2 hours of the evening gone.
I also endeavor to stick to an evening skincare routine. It takes time to do the things like steaming and a hydrating face mask. I’ll tell you, it’s not sexy to swipe your face with salicylic acid and then try to gently fend off your boyfriend’s cheek kisses in case he ingests too much and gets poisoned.
I know there’s a logical solution to all these problems. Or, should I say, excuses. I have to focus on making sex a priority in my evenings. My boyfriend recently said that we should treat sex like we treat Ted Lasso. We always make time to watch Ted Lasso. We go out of our way to watch Ted Lasso. We look forward to watching Ted Lasso. Why can’t we treat sex with the same reverence as we do Ted Lasso???
Well, we’re sure as hell gonna try. If anyone else is making sweet weeknight magic out there and has some tips, I am all ears.
