I’m beginning to think I need professional help for my libido loss. I need someone to help me figure out what’s going on with my mind and body.
I took a referral from a friend to check out a website with a great collective of female sex therapists. I have a look down the list to see if there’s anyone specializing in what I’m looking for – general help with a decline in sex drive.
I found a therapist who looks perfect. I mull it over then set up a free 20-minute introductory call with her. I find that I’m really nervous as the evening we agreed upon approaches. I write about my sex life online but talking to a therapist about my sex problems is still daunting.
The evening arrives. She calls and I’m relieved that she sounds kind and helpful. She asks me to tell her a bit about myself. She asks me if I have any hobbies and I find myself at a loss for words. To be honest, my hobbies lately have dwindled to walking around and exploring my neighborhood, reading, and watching YouTube or TikTok.
I have a flash of clarity that I could do with a much richer life outside of work that doesn’t involve a screen.
She moves on to ask me if there are any stressors in my life. I talk about my frustrations with my job, and how my lack of sex drive is a self-perpetuating cause of stress. I talk a little bit about my new-found panic around sex and how my desire has flatlined. I also talk about my body image issues that I’ve dealt with for a long time.
She is so reassuring. She tells me what I was hoping to hear – that what I’m going through is completely normal and she has many clients like me. She talks a little bit about how little we’re taught about spontaneous versus responsive desire, and how she can help me understand my desires better to rekindle my intimacy.
It sounds fantastic. I ask about the frequency she generally meets with her clients, and she says it’s usually weekly or every other week. She works on a short-term basis and her goal is immediate improvements. My heart is saying, sign me up!
Then we get to the bit that I knew would be hard. The price. Her sessions are over $200 each. I think she’s 100% worth the cost and could probably charge a lot more for expertise, but the high price tag knocks the wind out of me. I’m doing 200 x 4 weeks x however many months I need in my head and that amount is a LOT.
I write down the number in my notebook and thank her so much for her time. I say I will think about if this is the right fit for me and be in touch. Then we hang up and I sit in silence for a bit.
Talking to a sex therapist felt like a really proactive step to work through some of the problems I have. But that price tag is a hard pill to swallow. I spiral for a bit. I’m frustrated with myself and my body for behaving this way, and with myself for not earning more money to be able to make paying for help like this easier.
I resolve to think about it, but to be honest with you it’s been a few weeks and I mostly put it out of my mind. I know I should pick the conversation back up with myself. Even if I don’t pick her, I still need some help working through this.
No matter what I decide, I am grateful to this therapist as she gave me two great gifts during our conversation.
One, she opened my eyes to the fact that there’s not just a lack of passion in my sex life – there’s a lack of passion in my life for my job, my hobbies, and my personal pursuits.
Two, she made me realize how debilitating to my libido my job-induced stress is and that my dissatisfaction with my career is NOT doing my sex life any favors.
Therapist or no therapist, these are two things I can take proactive steps to address.
